It can be hard for parents to adjust to life with a new baby, but older siblings can struggle, too.
There are many reasons why an older child might struggle with the newest addition to the family. Babies require a lot of care, and that takes time—time with their parents an older child might be missing.
“They feel like they’ve been kind of tossed over, you know. They were the prince or princess until the new baby came around,” explains Dr. Terry Nguyen, chair of pediatrics at Greater Baltimore Medical Center (GBMC).
These feelings of displacement and jealousy are common and a normal way for older siblings to react to their new younger sibling. There are ways to support your child through these tough feelings and strengthen your family bond, but first, you need to consider your child’s age and development.
Meeting Baby at Each Age
Children younger than age 2 won’t understand what having a new sibling means yet, according to the Mayo Clinic. Parents can prepare these very young children by talking about the new baby and reading the older child picture books about babies.
For children who are between 2 and 4 years of age, Mayo Clinic cites sharing attention with their sibling as the biggest struggle.
Finally, children ages 5 and older are likely to be excited about having a new baby around but can still be susceptible to jealousy when it comes to how much attention newborns command.
Ways to Involve Older Siblings
One way Nguyen says parents can help an older sibling feel important and involved is to give them a job to do with the new baby—which might include bringing over a new diaper or supplies.
“They love being seen and contributing,” Nguyen says.
Another way parents can involve their older child in caring for the baby is to ask their opinion: What color should the baby’s room be? What kind of music should we play? By giving your older child the agency to help make decisions, the child gains ownership of the experience.
Siblings feeling seen is another angle parents need to consider. With a new baby, relatives are eager to see, hold and hug the baby. Older kids can feel passed over and unimportant.
If parents have noticed their older child struggling or acting out during these meetings, they should consider talking to the visiting relative before the next visit and sharing their concerns so the visitor can be conscious of any left-out feelings.
But the attention children crave most isn’t from visitors—it’s from their parents.
Setting Aside Time & Emotional Space
“Parents can alternate setting [15 to 20 minutes aside] daily to just play [or] read with this child without [the] new baby present,” Nguyen says of older siblings.
By prioritizing spending time with the older child every day, parents are reassuring their child that even though the family has changed, the older child is still loved and their parents will always have time for them.
Young children may have trouble expressing their feelings about the new baby. This is part of their emotional development. Parents can help their child express themselves by modeling these behaviors. Parents should speak with their children about their feelings in simple, age-appropriate terms.
Sometimes, little kids have big feelings—and they just need space to process them. Parents should make sure their older child has a place to go in the house to relax and get away if the commotion gets too overwhelming. This space allows the child to think, calm down and process what they’re feeling.
At the end of the day, while having a new baby is a big adjustment, parents can navigate the challenge and help their child develop social emotional skills at the same time. With a little love and advice from the experts, families can do anything.
