Baltimore's Child

Families Eating Dinner Together

A Recipe for Long-Term Health and Well-Being

By Amy Landsman

As a child growing up in Italy, Rima Barkett simply took it for granted that her family would eat dinner together regularly. After all, family mealtime is a cherished part of Italian culture.|

So, when Barkett moved to California 15 years ago, she was surprised—and dismayed—by what she saw.

“So many people here eat food ready-made, so nobody’s really part of fixing the meal,” says Barkett from her home in Stockton, Calif. “You’re just opening something.”

“The thing that surprised me the most,” she continues, “is how people would eat in the car. For us, eating is a ritual. It is a social thing. We use that time to get together and talk. I was shocked that people would eat in the car.”

Barkett, who, along with her co-author, Claudia Pruett, hopes to encourage Americans to spend more time together in the kitchen and around the dinner table through their book, Cooking Dinner: Simple Italian Family Recipes Everyone Can Make (Mega Publishing, 2009), explains that, in Italy, “Everybody has a big part in preparing the meal. Who sets the table? Who makes the salad dressing? Who peels the potatoes? It’s really a family effort.”

She also admits that even in Italy the kids sometimes would rather be off doing something other than eating with the family. But the parents make it a priority.

And that can have a huge impact.

Research supports what was once only conventional wisdom: that eating together as a family can have long-term emotional and social benefits for children.

Food For Thought

“These kids who eat with their families have much more positive feelings of self-esteem,” notes Patricia Cronin, executive director of The Family Tree of Maryland, a nonprofit dedicated to the prevention of child abuse and neglect. “You can’t overlook the whole aspect of nurturing. Mealtime has a big payoff for adolescents. There’s less suicide, less feelings of depression and isolation.”

Cronin cites a recent study by the National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse at Columbia University, a nonprofit that studies and promotes the prevention of substance abuse, which found that children who eat four to five meals a week with their family are 40 percent more likely to get higher grades in school than kids who eat two or fewer meals a week with their family. The study also concluded that children who regularly eat dinner with their families are 20 percent less likely to drink alcohol, smoke, or use illegal drugs.

The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services (HHS) reports findings that have shown that teens who rarely participate in family dinners are more likely to abuse prescription drugs or an illegal drug other than marijuana, and that, on the other end, girls who participate in five or more family meals a week are less likely to develop unhealthy eating habits. HHS also states on its website that regularly sitting down for a meal together is a way for families to connect, which can be an important tool in preventing substance abuse.

Last year, The Family Tree, with sponsorship support from Provident Bank, produced a print, radio, and television advertising campaign called Mealtime—The Great Family Time, to publicize the benefits of keeping a family mealtime and to urge families to eat together at least four to five times a week. Cronin says this mealtime campaign is a great back-to-basics initiative with a message that applies to all families.

“Through the ages, cultures have used family mealtime to build family connections,” she explains. “There are three components to mealtime that really pay off.”

First, she says, it strengthens social connections. Second, family time and family meals build predictability and routine into children’s lives, which is important to their emotional development. And, third, home-cooked meals tend to be more nutritious.

“I think the important thing is for the children to have an adult to talk to them, to have an adult know what’s going on in a consistent way,” Cronin adds. “They need an anchor. It’s the adult’s responsibility to assure that the anchor is there. Mealtime is a great place to do it.”

The Family That Eats Together…

And it’s already a priority among many local families.

The Pohl family of Lutherville, for example, takes family dinnertime to heart. Nicka Pohl says she, her husband, Brent, and their three kids—David, 5, Laura, 4, and Charlotte, 2—try to eat together just about every night.

“My husband and I did that growing up, so it’s important to us,” she explains.

Pohl says the girls unload the dishwasher and tear the lettuce. She admits that David is a tougher sell. “He’s just not enthusiastic about household chores,” she says.

Baltimore mom Devon Hathaway says that, typically, she cooks dinner, and her husband, Tim, and their three kids—Lila, 8, Tucker, 5, and 1-year-old Quinn—help clean up afterwards.

Hathaway also notes that, growing up, she learned the importance of mealtime etiquette from her grandmother, and it’s something that she continues to emphasize today.

“We try to say a prayer at the beginning of dinner,” says Hathaway. “And then at the end of dinner, until every single person is done, nobody can get up. My children have actually started a ritual where we go around the table and everyone has to tell something either they learned today or something they did today.”

The Rifkin family of Baltimore, also tries for five family dinners a week.

“That’s the way I was brought up,” says the mom, Karen Rifkin. “I was one of five kids, and we all turned out great.”

Rifkin is flexible, too. If Tyler, 9, or Graham, 5, has a 6 p.m. sports event, she serves dinner early so the kids can still make the game.

And, although Rifkin enjoys cooking, she tends to keep things simple.

“What’s your favorite family dinner?” she asks Graham.

“Hot dogs!” he exclaims.

All Together Now

Barkett agrees that a homemade family dinner doesn’t have to be a major production. It doesn’t mean that Mom has to first work all day and then come home to whip up a five-star meal.

She suggests pre-planning the weekly meals to save time. Plus, involving the whole family with dinner preparation really does lighten the workload. And it’s okay to give yourself, and your family, a break every now and then.

“[In the book] the menus are planned for four nights a week,” says Barkett. “Even we do not cook every night! We go out, we have pizza. We have leftovers. You don’t have to cook every night.”

In their book, Barkett and Pruett also urge families to use dinnertime for light conversation, not for arguments or lectures. But, after a while, “What did you do in school today?” can feel pretty worn out.

Coming to the rescue again is The Family Tree of Maryland, which offers 50 suggestions for creative conversation starters on its website that should help get you out of that rut. They include, “Would you give up junk food to live 10 years longer?” and “Who is one of your heroes and why do they inspire you?” and “What do children know more about than adults?” Although you might want to tread carefully with that last one.

Of course, some meals will be disasters. There will be days when the kids are cranky, or you’d rather be reading a book than idling at the table, or everyone runs off without putting away his or her dishes.

Pohl acknowledges this. She even jokes that her husband sometimes wonders if their family is having a meal or attending the circus.

For the most part, however, many agree that, just like the research has shown, keeping a family mealtime pays off in the long run.

“Cooking together and eating together is our way of giving our love,” says Barkett. BC

For More Information

· Want to learn more about why it’s a good idea to have dinner with the family? Visit the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services website, www.family.samhsa.gov/get/mealtime.aspx.

· For the complete list of Family Table Topics from The Family Tree of Maryland, visit the organization’s website, www.familytreemd.org. Click on Resources, then Special Initiatives/Mealtime, and go to Family Table Topics.

Celebrate Family Day This Month

The National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse (CASA) at Columbia University invites everyone to celebrate Family Day—A Day to Eat Dinner with Your Children, an annual event, taking place on Monday, Sept. 28, 2009.

As part of a national movement to promote frequent family dinners as an effective tool to help keep America’s kids substance-free, Family Day reminds parents that “Dinner Makes a Difference!” To participate, simply gather your kids around the dinner table to talk, listen, and laugh with them.

If you would like help with making this day special for your family, visit CASA’s website, www.casafamilyday.org/familyday. Here, you can download the Family Dinner Kit, which includes a menu planner, recipes, placemats, and even conversation starters.